Personal Barometer / Debauchery & Communication

These three things are the things that a man should have in any long term relationship and no matter his age. I shall explain better as this goes on so please bare with me and you shall see what I mean and I only hope that you can help in applying it to your life in a way that will help you better your relationship with your significant other.

Personal Barometer as my wife puts it means just this : To have the ability to take care of ones self and know when either pains of hunger are making you angry / mad / or other wise rude or be in touch with your own feelings to know when you need to blow off some steam and go work out or something.

This needs to be premised with me stating that I am a person that by nature not personal choice that tends to eat only when I am told that I need to eat because I can not for the most part recognize better on my own that I am being angry, mad, rude or other wise unpleasant. I eat only to live not live to eat. I know that this is shocking and un worldly to some but it is me and this is the sad truth to my life. I also am a person that does not relieve stress very well on my own or recognize the fact that I need to do something to relieve said stress. I have to wait for my wife to tell me again that I am being rude, mean, and obnoxious or down right well you know. I love my wife for being who she is. I do not think that I tell her enough and with some recent events I also know that I do not show it enough in the day to day things that I do or even the special occasions that go on around us.

Debauchery is a word that was used in conversation with my wife and man she was having some trouble with some easy words so she broke out ones that were big. I fortunately have a knack for being able to spell big words but forget the little ones quite often or use the wrong tense of a word. Any way this comes into play for this conversation in a way that all men should have a sense of it. The meaning from Webster’s version I do not know but the short and skinny of it is to have a plan or purpose of mischievous nature (Three Stooges style) yet to be able to have fun with out hurting any one in the process. Webster’s version for those that have to know is “n : a wild gathering involving excessive drinking and promiscuity”. This is not what I had in mind for the word though. Two examples that my wife used for the word was that of the Three Stooges & of Cpt. Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean.

Now this leads me to my last one on the list. Communication. This evil monster lurks every where, home, work, play, everywhere. Crikey mate this one is a bugger! Ok just had to get Steve Erwin there. This guy can make or break ya. I know that I do not actively communicate nearly enough when it counts and some times it can be a pain because you want to talk but do not because fear runs through you that you might or will say the wrong thing and hurt some one more than the intention of your words were meant to be. So here choice of words is just as vitally important. Well at least that is my fear. But as my wife would tell you “saying something is better then not saying any thing. At least by saying “I am thinking about what you said or I have nothing to say to that.” is better than not saying a single thing at all”. This is very true but plays into my fear of still saying the wrong thing or not saying enough. I need to get better at it, as much as I some times try my self to perform this (to me) minor miracle I still botch it up. Two way communication is also always key. You do not want the conversation to be a one way conversation cause that can make a woman even madder and she never wants to have the idea in her head that she is sounding like a nag because that is not what she is at all. At least acknowledge to her that you are listening to her and that you actively thinking about all that she is saying. But you have to really mean it. You can not say it to get her to shut up or anything. Not that I know this from personal experience but you do not want to have her mad at you for that also. You must be true to your self and actively listen to what she says. Even in a day to day conversation. Not all conversations are bad. The day to day conversations are also key, you know the ones that I am talking about. You come home, she comes home you both ask each other how their day was. Either of you ask about what the other would like to have for dinner, or if the other would like a glass of wine ( BTW a Cab Franc is really good choice in our house – for me any way currently the wife prefers a lot of whites just not Rieslings) or something else. Or even the conversations of what each other would like to do this coming weekend.

Leaving this post on a good note I want you to read this. I heard a great thing this weekend and I too need to apply it better to my own day to day life. That thing is this (the short version) “ … do for others to make them happy. Not because you are looking out for you and want them to do for you later but because you are not a selfish person….”